Timothy Eric-
Welcome to the forums! I'm sorry to hear of your misfortune, but you have come to the right place as there are numerous experts here who can help you select the command components you need to get the desired operation on your layout.
When it comes to picking out command control systems, the key is always to match what you have (or planning to have) with what you want the command system to do. Based on your post I'll assume that you already own TMCC/Legacy locomotives and a few postwar/non-command locomotives, with plans to acquire MTH DCS-equipped locomotives in the future. In addition to the locomotives, you would like to control accessories and switches via the remote system too.
Before I jump into the components you'll need to make it work, let me first touch on Legacy and DCS. Both systems have remotes that control locomotives, and with additional pieces can throw switches and turn accessories on and off. However the way each system works is different. MTH's system uses the third rail to send digital signals to trains, whereas Lionel's system broadcasts radio signals in the air. This difference is why MTH recommends wiring your layout using matched pairs of feeder wires radiating from a central point (aka "star" or "home run" wiring); Lionel's system works just fine on traditional bus wires. This is why most users would recommend wiring your layout the way MTH recommends, then adding the Legacy components.
In terms of compatibility, we run into a few issues between the brands and systems. MTH's system can control TMCC locomotives (with the purchase of Lionel's command base and a cable), but Lionel's system cannot control DCS locomotives at all. Legacy-equipped locomotives can be controlled by DCS, but DCS cannot access any of the "Legacy-only" features such as the quilling horn. For this reason you might opt to install both remotes, running DCS locomotives with the DCS remote and TMCC/Legacy locomotives with the Legacy remote.
Conventional locomotives can be controlled equally well by either system, but the deciding vote comes from how you will divide your layout. MTH's system can only accomodate two conventional tracks per TIU (even though there are four ports on the TIU, only two are capable of adjusting track voltage). If you need more than two, you can either connect additional tracks to the fixed voltage ports and run them with a transformer, or you would have to buy another TIU. With Lionel's system, you would need a transformer and a powermaster for each block.
For accessory/switch control I'd recommend going with DCS, only because MTH gives you more switch/accessory outputs per AIU (MTH's accessory controller) than Lionel does with the SC-2 (Lionel's accessory controller). Given the number of switches and accessories that you have, more outputs per controller is better.
So to summarize I would recommend the following:
1. Wire your layout per MTH's recommendations
2. Purchase the base DCS system (remote and TIU) for operating MTH locomotives and conventional locomotives
3. Purchase enough DCS AIU modules to control all your switches and accessories
4. Purchase Legacy to control TMCC and Legacy-equipped pieces
A great first reference is the 2nd Edition of "Command Control for Toy Trains" from Kalmbach Publishing. It goes into more details about the systems and is an excellent reference to selecting and purchasing your components.
Best of luck, and happy railroading!
-John