John....this seems to be an ongoing problem you have had for many years. I can remember quite a few posts where you have discussed similar misgivings and personal frustrations about being in the hobby....almost as if you were totally lost. While I agree with some of the suggestions posted by others above, I think there are more underlying problems here than just the hobby. I am not a professional when it comes to recognizing depression, but I think this may be what you are going through. Mind you, I would not have come to this conclusion based only on your post above but like I said, this is not your first time expressing similar feelings. If you would like to talk, feel free to give me a call.
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