Does Model Railroading Mean Fewer Divorces?

ABSOLUTELY NO. I have collected Military Memorabilia for over 50 tears, and one area is U.S. Horse Cavalry. When my wife saw my saddle collection, she said the next stop was divorce court. Soo I started collecting Lionels, when she saw how much I have, guess what she said.....

Not in my case.  It still brings a tear to my eye when I think about the day I had to take down my layout.

That’s not fair!

Arnold,

I'm inclined to agree with your hypothesis. My wife and I have different interests but each of us respects the other's and we each spend our spare change as we please, but not to excess. Of course, our greatest interests are our children and grandchildren, all of whom have enjoyed the model railroads in the basement. Nonetheless, a model railroad on the main floor might be where the line gets drawn - but I'm savvy enough not to even contemplate it... And, like your wife, mine knows exactly where I am and what I'm up to when I stumble down the stairs into the basement.

MELGAR

Arnold,

As a domestic relations attorney, can you tell me if the reason that both parties may agree to stay together is because the trains and layouts cost less than the divorce?

MELGAR

Well, I have heard it said that model rr wives do know where their husbands are.

I was told that John Armstrong had a slide he put up at some of his clinics.     I never saw it, but it is an urban legend that it was done.     It was a line graph with the horizontal axis the size of the layout (or collection) and the vertical axis the probability of divorce.     The line was a parabolic curve climbing higher geomentrically as it moved along the horizontal axis.

It is said to have brought lots of chuckles.

Strummer posted:

 A lot of other sites have a forum set aside for this kind of discussion.

I for one would much prefer to see topics being about trains, not about these "big picture" type of threads.

Couldn't (so many of) these types of threads be put into the "miscellaneous" forum?

Just asking...

Mark in Oregon

 

Interesting thought, Mark. I just looked and saw no "Miscellaneous" Forum. 

You may want to put your last reply under "Forum Suggestion Box," which is the last Forum in the directory.

Just a suggestion, Arnold 

Strummer posted:

 A lot of other sites have a forum set aside for this kind of discussion.

I for one would much prefer to see topics being about trains, not about these "big picture" type of threads.

Couldn't (so many of) these types of threads be put into the "miscellaneous" forum?

Just asking...

Mark in Oregon

 

Couldn't you just not read the threads who's title doesn't interest you?  It's so simple even I can do it.  

If the mods don't like it they'll move it or lock it.

Back to the topic at hand.  It's an interesting hypothesis but I feel it's more about the people in the marriage than the hobby.   The hobby could be any hobby.  Perhaps the question is how many couples are both in the hobby and how many of their relationships survived the test of time.

-Greg

I would submit, counselor, there is no direct correlation between model railroading and divorce. 

• Most wives of adult men playing with trains need not worry about their husbands attracting other women, the very reason most teen boys put away their childhood trains or wind up as bachelors; a wife's lack of  concern as long as her husband is in the attic, basement or garage is just an expression of understanding most people need some space in healthy relationships. 
• Financial stress can lead to divorce, but reckless spending on trains would be but a symptom of poor judgment that would manifest in other affairs. 
• Likewise emotional neglect in a marriage would occur whether a husband allowed vocation or avocation to take priority over his wife; if care for her feelings and well-being does not come first, nothing else matters. 

 Many years ago, I clipped and saved one of the late Dr. Billy Graham's newspaper advice columns that seemed to capture better than I could articulate a formula for marital success.  Rather than risk copyright infringement by attaching an image of that column, let me just say he mentioned the things that are important are:

• a commitment that doesn't fade regardless of circumstances.
• consideration in putting the needs of the other above your own desires (and he mentions selfishness as the greatest enemy of lasting love).
• communication so each knows what is important to the other, including the little things.
• a shared system of values and beliefs.

 Model railroading is incidental if these important aspects of a relationship are cultivated and nurtured.

What, me worry?

I am perfectly fine with whatever the moderators decide to do.

My purposes, whenever I post at topic, is to Promote Our Hobby Big Time, and/or entertain, and/or express my enthusiasm for our hobby, and/or say something I think is interesting and I think others will find interesting.

I love this Forum and believe the moderators have done an excellent job regulating it.

I also happen to love it when others respectfully express a different point of view than mine, which IMO is what Mark and a couple of others have done so far. Arnold 

Alfred E Neuman posted:

I would submit, counselor, there is no direct correlation between model railroading and divorce. 

• Most wives of adult men playing with trains need not worry about their husbands attracting other women, the very reason most teen boys put away their childhood trains or wind up as bachelors; a wife's lack of  concern as long as her husband is in the attic, basement or garage is just an expression of understanding most people need some space in healthy relationships. 
• Financial stress can lead to divorce, but reckless spending on trains would be but a symptom of poor judgment that would manifest in other affairs. 
• Likewise emotional neglect in a marriage would occur whether a husband allowed vocation or avocation to take priority over his wife; if care for her feelings and well-being does not come first, nothing else matters. 

 Many years ago, I clipped and saved one of the late Dr. Billy Graham's newspaper advice columns that seemed to capture better than I could articulate a formula for marital success.  Rather than risk copyright infringement by attaching an image of that column, let me just say he mentioned the things that are important are:

• a commitment that doesn't fade regardless of circumstances.
• consideration in putting the needs of the other above your own desires (and he mentions selfishness as the greatest enemy of lasting love).
• communication so each knows what is important to the other, including the little things.
• a shared system of values and beliefs.

 Model railroading is incidental if these important aspects of a relationship are cultivated and nurtured.

What, me worry?

Awesome reply, Mr. Neuman! 

I wonder though: Is Alfred E. Neuman your real name? Wasn't that name connected to Mad Magazine? LOL, Arnold

MELGAR posted:

Arnold,

As a domestic relations attorney, can you tell me if the reason that both parties may agree to stay together is because the trains and layouts cost less than the divorce?

MELGAR

In most instances, a  lot less than a hotly contested divorce that goes to trial, but usually not less than a mediated divorce or a collaborative divorce. Arnold

Reminds me of:

"I got a train for my wife."

"Good trade..."

Rusty

Rusty Traque posted:

Reminds me of:

"I got a train for my wife."

"Good trade..."

Rusty

Funny... 

Ok guys, I'm going to delete my initial post regarding this type of thread. I was merely making a suggestion...

Mark in Oregon

Arnold, I hate to say it, but unfortunately, many men have been divorced by their wives claiming' their husbands paid more attention to their trains, then them. 

On another forum, there are several members that now live alone and devote all their free time to the hobby.  They claim to be much happier and enjoying life more than ever'... So, not all wives love the fact of knowing their husband is in the basement.  It seems to me, that the intelligent ones don't mind sharing their husbands with trains, rather than other nefarious items...

It would for me. I couldn't afford a wife, a mistress and trains as well so you know what I ended up choosing and it wasn't the mistress !    Roo.

My wife said if I buy one more train she is going to divorce me. Boy do I miss her.

My Wife and I have been together for about forty  years as well and I can't say my hobby helped  keep us together but it keeps me home at night.

Of course as all you toy train guys know all to well when all the young ladies hear about our ultra cool hobby they all come around like flies to an ice-cream cone. They just can't wait to get there hands on our controls.

Fortunately for my domestic life when  I have to chose to between taking a lady out or buying a new engine they lose every time.

There is no lady that could ever take me away from the beauty I have at home who pushes  me to clean up that  messy platform in the basement.   Who could ask for more?

Quarter Gauger 48 posted:

Arnold, I hate to say it, but unfortunately, many men have been divorced by their wives claiming' their husbands paid more attention to their trains, then them. 

On another forum, there are several members that now live alone and devote all their free time to the hobby.  They claim to be much happier and enjoying life more than ever'... So, not all wives love the fact of knowing their husband is in the basement.  It seems to me, that the intelligent ones don't mind sharing their husbands with trains, rather than other nefarious items...

Quarter Gauger 48, it saddens me  to read your above reply because I'm sure it's true and that others have suffered the breakdown of their marriages as you describe.

If the divorced men are now happy, that's a good thing.

Part of my motivation in starting this topic is to emphasize the family oriented aspect of our hobby, where adults and children can do it together and wholeheartedly enjoy it, at different levels, and bond and have common interest. Promoting family this way often, but not always, promotes good marriages, IMO.

I also agree that such bonding and common interest can happen with other things like sports and music. Indeed, that happened and still happens for me and my son when we play golf together, and happened and still happens for me and my daughter when she sings at Open Mics the songs I have written (this is a thrilling experience for me) while I play guitar to accompanying her.

For me, it just so happens that my 1st passionate interest with both of my children when they were toddlers was Lionel trains. I have tremendous gratitude to Lionel and our hobby for that and so does my wife. The trains gave me a foundation to have other passionate common interests with both children, like the golf and music. And, by the way, nothing was ever forced in the slightest. I simply introduced these activities to the kids, and they happen to like them when they were little, so we did them together. I am perfectly fine with their minimal interest today in the trains. Their only current interest as 30 somethings in the trains is that they both think it's hilarious that I still do the trains. LOL. What is even funnier is that I think they are correct! LMAO!

I also agree that the wives who see the benefits of their husbands engaging in a hobby at home are very wise.

Other benefits of our hobby now come to mind which, if more commonly known, would also promote marriages, IMO.

For instance, my wife and I know that for very young children to play with electric trains with adult supervision is very stimulating for them, and very likely promotes the healthy development of their brains. I recall other Forum members during the past 2 years saying similar things on other threads. 

I love to see a 2 year old with his/her hands on the throttles of a ZW. Look at their faces when they do that, and see them revel in the feelings of control and power it gives them. I believe every single brain cell of those toddlers is 100% engaged when they are doing  that, and that is very good for their mental development. That experience and those benefits continue today when our young children and grandchildren run LC and LC+ trains using the remote units, IMO.

My son, now 30 years old, was that 2 year old with both hands on the ZW throttles. Later on, his High School Physics teacher told my wife at a parent-teacher conference: "your son is awesome at Physics!" And, he graduated #2 in his class in Mechanical Engineering at SUNY Binghamton Engineering School. Hey, I'm just a proud dad, who believes Lionel trains starting at a very early age, which I also had, contributed to his mental development.

Incidentally, my son was beating me in chess at the age of 6, and was bored with running trains at the age of 10. That is because, unlike me, he was much more interested in opening up the trains to see how the various mechanisms of the 022 switch tracks, accessories and locomotives worked. This, in turn, got him interested in reading about the history of Lionel and its employees who invented these mechanisms, and also reading about other inventors like Tesla, at an early age.

Thanks to all of you who have read this reply. I am very interested in whatever you think about this subject regardless of whether it's positive or negative. I believe this Forum is a place where we can sincerely and respectfully share our views and possibly learn from each other. I, for one, have already learned a lot from some of your above replies. I thank you for that. Arnold

Love your humor, Roo, Eddie and GG1man, and Melgar earlier. Arnold

No Marriages = Less Divorces

Arnold as usual I like your topic! I think what makes a good marriage is one that has room for two different personalities with different needs and interests that are nurtured and encouraged by each other rather than feeling threatened somehow by a diverging interest. My joy in my trains is largely because my dear wife supports and takes pride in my accomplishment! She is my sounding board and my cheerleader if I get frustrated! Her belief in my ability, wiring, landscaping etc is sometimes what keeps me moving forward! Sounds silly maybe but your topic prompted this realization! Thank you

Arnold as a Divorce  Lawyer you would appreciate this remark. First when my wife and I got married she already knew about the trains as she had seen long before we started dating so I have jokingly said over the past 36 years we have been married that she signed a  prenuptial agreement that she can be replaced but the trains can’t and I have the bumper sticker “My wife says if I buy one more train she will leave me. Gee I will miss her”. Like I said 36 + years together and still going strong. Two daughters and two grandchildren all have grown up with the trains. Now a new house and I have 2000 sq. ft of basement for the trains and she is still with me. I often still joke with her and friends when they see the trains about the agreement and bumper sticker.  I would not trade her for a truck load of trains.  Well maybe if they were NOB post War Lionel!!!

My father and I ran trains together all the time, built several layouts, and every Christmas/birthday brought more train items/trains. I inherited our trains when he passed away in 1978.  My two boys and daughter ran trains when they were growing up, sons helped me build our layout.  Yes, when the youngest son graduated from high school and moved out on his own, my first wife and I divorced.  But, it wasn't because of the trains!  My present beauty, friend, lifetime companion and I met on the Amtrak Texas Eagle over the 2003 Christmas holiday.   I boarded the Eagle in Chicago, she boarded in St. Louis around 21:00 hrs that night.  By chance, and Fate, we boarded the return Texas Eagle a week later, though we both had plans to stay in Houston with relatives longer.  With conversations and all night discussions of what we had in common, we kept in touch every day with calls before leaving for work, and late into the night.  She also had a Lionel set when a little girl, a set of PW from 1953 that I had in my collection.  Well, we wed December 26, 2006 and I have never been happier.  In 2007, while I worked managing a site in Terre Haute (we live in Tuttle, Oklahoma), she added on a 3 car garage to our house.  But, point is, she had a second story added, a 32ft by 28ft room.  A TRAIN ROOM!!  She knew I needed enough space for our layout, and with no basements, going up is the only answer.  Now, what a wonderful woman I have forever that she built such a large room for our trains!!

Jesse   TCA  12-68275  

To answer the original question "Does Model Railroading Mean Fewer Divorces" the answer is "who knows".  I'm 75 yrs old and married to my best friend for 55 yrs.  You tell me.

To be fair, my wife is a Very patient, loving, caring woman. I freely admit that at times, I have pushed her patience beyond human endurance. I have a tendency to be obsessive in my collecting at times, and she has been my safety valve, whether it be military, guns, or trains. I wouldn't be where I am today, or envision being without her. Setting the record straight. 

I've been married to my wonderful bride for 31 years.  She has been supportive of my hobby from the very beginning.  We even spent one night on a railcar at the Chattanooga Choo Choo Hilton as part of our honeymoon!  

But I think if you look at all the factors that contribute to a healthy marriage, trains won't make the list, at least not mine.  I know lots of couples with great marriages that have no interest in trains. A shared faith life is number one for me.  

Here's another thought to deal with a spouse's possible objection to the cost of trains, and in doing so, possibly improving one's marriage. 

The purchase of a train can be used for motivation to make more money and be more financially successful at one's practice, business or job.

This needs to be communicated to one's spouse. For example, consider telling your wife you are using such a planned purchase as incentive to work harder, be more financially successful, etc. Tell her you won't buy the particular item until you have achieved whatever financial goal you have set for yourself. You can also tell her that you will  hold off your purchase until you first buy her something she wants.

The above does not always, but sometimes does, work. Also, it can be very difficult to achieve a particular financial goal.

This motivation or incentive is also tied in to the following, which is not easy for me to articulate. It has to do with the metaphor of a steam engine or diesel locomotive. They are very powerful, causing the earth to shake  thundering their way by. You are that powerful locomotive in the work you do to earn a living: a force to reckon with, indestructible, you overpower your competition, you are a winner, etc. These models are powerful symbols for us to inspire us to achieve our goals. LOL, Arnold

Well, I am a two-time loser. My first-wife tolerated my train layout - until I ended up expanding it all-over the basement, then it became a sore subject. She also made a point that I spent too much time and money on the trains and layout. In hindsight she was right: I did neglect home improvements as well as quality-time with her and family. But, these factors alone were not the cause of our divorce...that was more due to my second motorcycle that took up our 1-car garage. Memories of tearing down that layout are painful...10-years and good memories in the making.

My 2nd wife never liked trains or the hobby...but seemed to tolerate it as long it was confined to the basement. However, she was repulsed at the idea of having train-get-togethers, which was really a bummer for me. And, then I caught her ripping-up a train catalog; the look on her face that was pure evil.

Hopefully, one day, and assuming I recover from the 2nd divorce "shell-shock", I'll be able to have folks over again. Fortunately, my home was in my name only and I didn't have to tear-down my layout.

My advice: don't neglect your better half and don't be a space-hog. For every train purchase, buy her something nice, or take her out.

I am envious of guys who have or find a woman who share their passion in the hobby.

Arnold, you bring up a good point that I forgot to mention.  Purchases made for trains has/is always met, and exceeded, with monies happily spent for jewelry.  I gladly acquire very nice pieces for my bride, and many times had to convince her to make purchases she liked when traveling abroad, unique items of beauty found nowhere else.  Happy wife makes for a happy railroading life!

Jesse   TCA 

Arnold,

I think it’s the other way around. A healthy , good marriage allows each spouse space to do “their “ thing. When the  commitment to each other remains number one, everything else will find its place. My wife has tolerated 34 years of my hobbies, and I have done the same for her. She will always be my number one.

Guitarmike posted:

Arnold,

I think it’s the other way around. A healthy , good marriage allows each spouse space to do “their “ thing. When the  commitment to each other remains number one, everything else will find its place.

I think the above is the key. My ex of 27 years was perfectly okay with my hobby.

Eventually, she decided she wanted to "be free to feel a deeper connection" with someone, so that was that.

Mark in Oregon

Well I wish there was an easy button for this topic.  I will share part of my story.  We got married in the Catholic Church. We had to take several weeks of classes with other couples that were also getting married. This gave us a strong starting point.

I ask my wife if she felt if model railroading was a plus or a negative. This hobby has been mostly my doing but she will help in the train room, if I ask.  My three children also were involved with model railroading but they all like taking family trips by train.  Long distance to Montrose, Colorado or day trips to New York, Washington DC, Chicago & Toronto, Canada.

She belongs to a pinochle card game group and she told me that her girl friends husbands spend a lot more on golf than I do on model trains.  Looks like the ladies talk about us!  That is a scary thought.

Below: this is an anniversary photo from Facebook.

Gary

MELGAR posted:

Arnold,

I'm inclined to agree with your hypothesis. My wife and I have different interests but each of us respects the other's and we each spend our spare change as we please, but not to excess. Of course, our greatest interests are our children and grandchildren, all of whom have enjoyed the model railroads in the basement. Nonetheless, a model railroad on the main floor might be where the line gets drawn - but I'm savvy enough not to even contemplate it... And, like your wife, mine knows exactly where I am and what I'm up to when I stumble down the stairs into the basement.

MELGAR

Exactly my sentiments well spoken. My wife jokes about what I spend but never gets mad, I could have a worse habit.

trainroomgary posted:

Well I wish there was an easy button for this topic.  I will share part of my story.  We got married in the Catholic Church. We had to take several weeks of classes with other couples that were also getting married. This gave us a strong starting point.

I ask my wife if she felt if model railroading was a plus or a negative. This hobby has been mostly my doing but she will help in the train room, if I ask.  My three children also were involved with model railroading but they all like taking family trips by train.  Long distance to Montrose, Colorado or day trips to New York, Washington DC, Chicago & Toronto, Canada.

She belongs to a pinochle card game group and she told me that her girl friends husbands spend a lot more on golf than I do on model trains.  Looks like the ladies talk about us!  That is a scary thought.

Below this is a anniversary photo from Facebook.

Gary

Yes women talk about us constantly. A fellow wanted to join my train club until his wife found out. After going off on how much money we were wasting. (That word came out of her mouth alot) I never saw him again until we moved the club years later. I guess he dumped her. Nice wedding photo by the way.

I was married 9 years. '85 to '94. The hobby was never an issue in any way. We really got along well, except at the end (duh), and that wasn't really vicious - divorces can happen for all sorts of reasons, some subtle (us), some obvious.

But - this is the sort of "self-sufficient" hobby that can indeed lead to social isolation. I see it at train shows all the time. Not true of everyone, of course.

So I'd say that the trains were simply irrelevant, per my divorce.

This thread needs to be moved, but I can't decide if it belongs on Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer.

I'm looking for a woman named Gigi.  Never been with a woman named Gigi, so she would be Gigi One.

I can see how this could be true.  Modelers tend to spend their $$ on trains instead of at bars and womanizing outside of their marriages IMHO.  Not saying that doesnt happen, but I think it happens less when one has other hobbies to consume ones funds and time.  Having a wife that tollerates the hobby is a whole nother story.  I have seen some very long term marriages where the wife was just as involved in the hobby as her husband and contributed to the layout in many ways.  And this is across the different scales and facets of the hobby.   Yes, model trains can be a social isolating hobby, one reason I loved it so much being autistic and prefering to be alone or with just small groups.      Mike the Aspie

If you have a strong relationship it doesn't really matter. When I started dating Vicky I had no idea she was from a railroad family. I was single for a long time. Dated a lot until we met. I traveled all the time for work, loved it so it was really hard to keep any kind of long thing going. We had one date and two days latter I was in Russia for three long weeks. including interviewing Gorbachev. But for the first time in my travels, I couldn't wait to get back and have another date with her. Found out her Pop was a welder for the Oakland Southern Pacific yard. Every summer from the time she was little, she would have breakfast with the crew in the welding shop. Her Pop cooked with his welding tool. She loves trains and has booked us on some wonderful train trips. Skip many years later. About to retire after 36 years. All my passports had to have extension pages put in them. I was in Sri Lanka when we got caught by the Tamil Tigers. They had guns to our heads and their foot on our drivers neck. I knew we were going to be killed. Our satellite phone had been out for days. No one knew where we were in that dark jungle that night. All I could think about was Vicky. She would never know were I died. It haunts we to this day. I really knew what love is about that night. Sorry I'm going on about this. It's all way bigger than trains. Don

A lady friend got the "time for a change" msg., as above, had to get her own house, and experienced a reversal of usual roles.  As a voracious reader as a kid reading ALL a newspaper, Dear Abby and Ann Landers telling all these women how to rip off their to-be ex's, They shut up when they divorced, l thought  it was stacked the other way.   He had a heart attack and stroke, and his next marriage did not happen, no relatives, so she was asked to be his, not thrilled, care giver driver.  I have often wondered how secure the marriages are on here when they talk about sneaking trains in the house.

scale rail posted:

If you have a strong relationship it doesn't really matter. When I started dating Vicky I had no idea she was from a railroad family. I was single for a long time. Dated a lot until we met. I traveled all the time for work, loved it so it was really hard to keep any kind of long thing going. We had one date and two days latter I was in Russia for three long weeks. including interviewing Gorbachev. But for the first time in my travels, I couldn't wait to get back and have another date with her. Found out her Pop was a welder for the Oakland Southern Pacific yard. Every summer from the time she was little, she would have breakfast with the crew in the welding shop. Her Pop cooked with his welding tool. She loves trains and has booked us on some wonderful train trips. Skip many years later. About to retire after 36 years. All my passports had to have extension pages put in them. I was in Sri Lanka when we got caught by the Tamil Tigers. They had guns to our heads and their foot on our drivers neck. I knew we were going to be killed. Our satellite phone had been out for days. No one knew where we were in that dark jungle that night. All I could think about was Vicky. She would never know were I died. It haunts we to this day. I really knew what love is about that night. Sorry I'm going on about this. It's all way bigger than trains. Don

Don, you have such interesting things to say. Always a pleasure to see your contributions here. Arnold

40 years marrired today so I would say yes.

Was in to model railroading  before we met.

Arnold, this is me after a about a 18 hour flight our first day covering this story. We had to hit the ground running. No sleep. I looked like **** as did all the crew. I'm sure they thought this is our last time we will follow this guy. He's NUT! My reporter is now with CCN. She is a great friend of Vic and I. She was in Mumbai' for CNN when the hotel was attacked, live. I called her and sent this picture of "Duke" our lab watching her on a break in the news. She was on the ground being shot at right before the brake. She said you A-- Hole your sitting at home, retired and "Duke" is watching me get shot at. Loved it. Don

Don't understand what scale rail is talking about, sorry.

Eddie, go back to the start of the thread. Don

My wife isn't interested in the hobby at all but we'll be happily married for 27 years in January.   We are definitely the poster couple for opposite's who attract and that works just fine for us.   

-Greg 

Three thoughts why model railroaders may make better spouses.

1)  We do not view things as broken, merely in need of repair.

2)  We see problems and mistakes as opportunities to solve and fix.

3)  We don't mind putting in the time to make things work and when they fail, often go back to read the instructions.

Arnold....your thread is certainly thought provoking but we have had enough alerts on it.....the thread has migrated just as similar threads do away from the original post.  This is not a forum to discuss details about member's marriages and how compatible or non-compatible the partners are....so....I will leave it up to you to get this back on track or it will be closed by this time tomorrow or sooner....

Here are two of my personal experiences.  

I was at a friend's open house, which showcased his wonderful o gauge layout, some years ago.  Mostly train fans were in attendance.  After a while I met a fellow, a model railroader,  who had recently gone through a divorce.  He got to telling me his story about his ex who did not like his  o gauge layout.  Evidently the layout and his love of trains ( he said he owned about 400 engines and about 1000 freight and passenger cars ) was a point of contention between he and his ex for sure.  The more this fellow spoke about his ex wife, the more angry he became until he blurted out this line: "Because of that $%*(#  I had to sell all my o gauge trains and move into an apartment.   That horrible $%*(# downsized me to HO!!"  The guy was so serious!  Upon hearing this it was all I could do to contain myself.  I had to excuse myself so I could go into the bathroom and howl!  

Lou Palumbo who writes the CTT column Views from the Underground once told me that some guys were secretive about visiting his train shop and making purchases. There was no way these fellas wanted their wives to find out they were at the train store.  These guys would go to great lengths in hiding the fact they were at the store ... so much so they would park their car in the rear of the building or down the next block.  They would leave the new train purchases in the trunk of their cars and sneak them into the house when the wife was out.  

Lou would run into these guys with their wives at church or another public place a few days after their store visit.  Upon spotting Lou, the guys would drop back a few steps making facial and hand gestures that said to Lou" don't tell her you saw me in your shop yesterday".  He did devote a CTT column to this very subject.  I loved hearing Lou tell the stories! LOL! 

Hey I'm still running trains and living in a apt. I may be running Ho on a point to point scheme but I'm still running trains. I'm still doing it and going to York, having fun,talking to friends and buying what can add to my HO trains. 

Dave

My wife got me back into trains four years ago.  She said it was time to get ready for the grand kids.  She bought me 16 ft of fast track as it would run on our carpet.   I had blocked out my need to collect and run trains in the interest of raising our family and taking care of all the house hold needs.  But I took down from the attic the 40 year old trains I had collected when we first married and started to relearn about O gauge system.  Today about 10K later my wife wishes she had left this Pandora box securely closed.......

I like the two cartoons posted at Mile Post 38 our local train store.

"My only fear, is when I die my wife will sell my trains for what I told her I spent on them...."

" My wife told me as I went out the door this morning, if you come home with another train I'm leaving.......I am sorely going to miss her......"

All jokes aside my wife has been a sweetheart in her support of my addition.

Cheers!

EML posted:

Three thoughts why model railroaders may make better spouses.

1)  We do not view things as broken, merely in need of repair.

2)  We see problems and mistakes as opportunities to solve and fix.

3)  We don't mind putting in the time to make things work and when they fail, often go back to read the instructions.

 

EML, there is much wisdom in your words, IMO. Thanks for sharing. Arnold

My wife has tolerated my obsession, mainly because it's out-of-sight, out-of-mind (in the basement).

She did know what she was getting into before we were married. Should have modified our wedding vows... "Do you take CJ to love, have, and hold, including all his choo-choo junk, present and future, from this day forward for better or worse?"

This (Oct 2019) will be her first trek to York with me, as all our kiddos that I used to tow with me have aged out and are currently busy with starting careers or college.

Hoping the wife won't change her mind after this York........

Mrs. Nolan is Filipina. She has peacefully coexisted with my trains ever since we were "cohabitating" in the Philippines and she saw my HO stuff when my household goods shipment arrived from stateside. Later on when I went to N scale and later got back into Lionel she was OK with it. She is not a needy "you don't pay enough attention to me" type and lets me do pretty much what I want to. My "train people" friends are her friends too. If she ever had cause to divorce me it would've been for my sailor behavior when I was younger, nothing related to my train hobby.    

My wife and I have been married 52 years. We do NOT discuss politics. 

My advice...think twice before making fun of any hobby or interest SHE might have.

Many years ago, Model Railroader had a short article something to the effect of "tips and strategies for married model railroaders" that was written by the wife of a modeler.

Cute and worth reading.  

On the other hand, there's the bumper stickers/license plates "Pray for me, my husband plays with trains".

The key is to marry the right woman'...it may take two or three times to finally get the right one'...  In the meantime, it helps Arnold, stay in business.... 

Not if she finds out how much you paid for them  or all the new models you sneek in the house !!

LOL

The new sewing machine started at $2,500.  Then you add the special quilting table, another $1,000.   This baby has an automatic needle threader.     Happy lady.     There is a Quilting week-end seminar, some where near Cleveland, OH.    Hows that go??  "A hobby is a hobby!!"     You can easily spend up to $10,000 on a sewing machine and accessories.   47 years, a sweetheart  

My wife likes G & Standard and had wind-up in England when she was a kid. 

That said, when I read things like this, I always remember a York meet and standing next to a lady that collected and listening to her husband whine about "You've already got something like that, I'm bored, I wish I had gone on the shopping trip or stayed at the hotel, how long are you going to do this". She and I looked at each other and she rolled her eyes, looked at him and said "Shut up". At the time it seemed funny seeing a typical role reversal, but I've wondered about them since.

It depends on the open heart of the spouse.

Mike CT posted:

The new sewing machine started at $2,500.  Then you add the special quilting table, another $1,000.   This baby has an automatic needle threader.     Happy lady.     There is a Quilting week-end seminar, some where near Cleveland, OH.    Hows that go??  "A hobby is a hobby!!"     You can easily spend up to $10,000 on a sewing machine and accessories.   47 years, a sweetheart  

Mike, my wife has two of those $10,000 computor embroidery machines and several regular machines that are under a $1000. I built her a 5x6 cutting table out of 4 kitchen lower cabinets on wheels and the third bedroom is her dedacated sewing room with a tv so she can listen to her soaps while she sews. She goes to several class a month for different projects. She mad curtains for my train room windows from PRR themed material I found on eBay. She is in hog heaven. We are working 37 years and she is still my sweetheart. I guess that is why I have a 2000 sq ft basement dedicated to trains. 

51 years here shortly and she just still keeps rolling her eyes.

The same as I do because she likes diamonds

Larry

I don't think model railroading really plays any role in folks relationships, I think its more a matter of one spouse supporting their other half.  My wife supports my model train hobby and I support her many, many () crafting hobbies.  I don't understand all of her hobbies and she doesn't necessary understand mine, but we support each other anyway.

We will have our 29th Anniversary in two weeks and are looking forward to the next 29.

Jim

I always thought people who drive Chevrolet cars never had a divorce.  I'm not sure how relevant Chevrolets or model trains are to divorce. 

But, put a hashtag on it and post it on tweeter and we'll know for sure.

Hm, the model railroad , and the hobby is a reflection of ourselves. Some horde, and must have everything ever made, while some are content with grandpa's set, and have added slowly over the years. Some have to have perfection everything to scale, and others, it is a party and it is all about fun, scale is not a concern, apart from, will it fit on the rails. it is a spectrum of how we model railroad. Gundam Fighters does an excellent job of demonstrating what a open mind to a hobby should be, not trains, but a hobby as varied, and a good relationship tool. The hobby should be fun with its bad times as the relationship with your significant other is, and a far safer place to learn.

I remember an article in Model Railroader magazine, possibly the one mentioned, how the husband and wife both enjoyed the layout. He would have his friends over to run the layout, while she hosted, and the wives had fun upstairs. Her joy of hosting social events and his joy of model railroading, meshed well, even if they were not the same hobby. Some have specialized over aspects of hobby, and some don't share at all. The mutual understanding and trust in the relationship shows up in how the hobby is viewed, and interacts with the relationship, positive or negative. The understanding that not everyone has to have the same hobby also shows, when both support each others hobbies, that they do not share, and use that to build up the relationship.

Just some observations.

A railroading story, adapted from Jerry Clower and the stumbling mule. A couple recently celebrated their 75th together and everyone commented how good their relationship was and how they never had any problems. I heard a story about the day after the honeymoon. The young man was running some trains and talking with his new bride. As the locomotive crossed a switch, it lost power for a second and the E-unit went into neutral. Frustrated, he yelled that's #1 and restarted the train back in forward around the track, then began talking to his wife again. A short while later, the same engine derailed in a different switch. He, yelled that's #2 and had to stop what he was doing, go over, re-rail the engine and get it going again. About 25 minutes later, the same engine derails again in a different spot. He jumps up, screams that's #3, pulls out a pistol and shoots the engine right in the side. His wife screams in fear and asks him why on earth he would shoot his engine. He says that's #1

On a serious note, I've always felt it was important for a couple to have different hobbies. Much like some of these stories others have told, the 2 can intersect and the wife has her hobby, you have your hobby, they can be done concurrently, you share the same friends, same interests. but they are different. Why? My theory of competition. If you both have the exact same hobby, you tend to compete to one up each other. You argue about the right way to do things. Again, you read these stories, and one person likes the social aspect of just gathering, the other likes building the layout, or running trains, or doing repairs. They complement each other, not compete with each other.

Also note, I'm single, so everything I said might be why I'm single. Just like a pregnant woman doesn't read a book written by a man on pregnancy- What you should expect in the 3rd Trimester, advice on a relationship from a single man is about as helpful and intelligent as a moldy dishcloth.

Allin posted:

I remember an article in Model Railroader magazine, possibly the one mentioned, how the husband and wife both enjoyed the layout. He would have his friends over to run the layout, while she hosted, and the wives had fun upstairs. Her joy of hosting social events and his joy of model railroading, meshed well, even if they were not the same hobby. Some have specialized over aspects of hobby, and some don't share at all. The mutual understanding and trust in the relationship shows up in how the hobby is viewed, and interacts with the relationship, positive or negative. The understanding that not everyone has to have the same hobby also shows, when both support each others hobbies, that they do not share, and use that to build up the relationship.

Just some observations.

When one has very different hobbies or interests from his or her spouse, each may admire what the other does, and they may complement each other.

For instance, many model railroaders, not me, are very handy with tools and very good at fixing things. Some wives will find this to be a very attractive characteristic in their husbands.

When one spouse has the skills of a very good artist, perhaps manifested in the scenery or backdrop of a layout, turning it into a thing of beauty, that could be very pleasing to both spouses.

To support one's spouse's hobbies, interests, and hopes and dreams can be the foundation of a truly great relationship. 

My wife has done acting and been in theatrical productions, off and on, since elementary school. She now takes weekly acting classes that make her feel she is living life to its fullest. Nothing is more important for me than her continuing her acting classes. She reciprocates by supporting my interests (I have several), which includes model railroading that I do for creativity, entertainment and to reduce my stress.

Arnold

RJT posted:

Mike CT posted:

The new sewing machine started at $2,500.  Then you add the special quilting table, another $1,000.   This baby has an automatic needle threader.     Happy lady.     There is a Quilting week-end seminar, some where near Cleveland, OH.    Hows that go??  "A hobby is a hobby!!"     You can easily spend up to $10,000 on a sewing machine and accessories.   47 years, a sweetheart  

Mike, my wife has two of those $10,000 computor embroidery machines and several regular machines that are under a $1000. I built her a 5x6 cutting table out of 4 kitchen lower cabinets on wheels and the third bedroom is her dedacated sewing room with a tv so she can listen to her soaps while she sews. She goes to several class a month for different projects. She mad curtains for my train room windows from PRR themed material I found on eBay. She is in hog heaven. We are working 37 years and she is still my sweetheart. I guess that is why I have a 2000 sq ft basement dedicated to trains. 

Bingo on the spouse with multiple expensive sewing machines...I am very supportive of her hobby. I just helped her redo another bedroom for sewing activities...she now has 2.  Cable tv of course is included. 44 years of marital bliss...she is my best friend.

In turn she is supportive with my many hobbies which of course would include model trains.

Fendermain

I'm glad to read all the positive stuff.

I was surfing through the channels one night months ago, and one of the late night talk show hosts brought up this very subject. He stated that it is done by divorced men, or soon to be divorced men. Got a big laugh from the audience. That sure hasn't been my experience. In my little corner of the world, I'm part of a camaraderie of really nice folks, with normal lives, that have some fun running model trains.

My wife is also an "eye roller" … while also having a big smile on her face. It's cool.

Also, my wife and I are expecting our first grandchild in March. So, I'm having all kinds of "trains" thoughts swirling around in my head. I'm sure she'll be very supportive of what ever crazy ideas I come up with. 

Mike CT posted:

 

Mike, that thing is so cool. I want one … and I don't even sew. 

An interesting thread

I don't think model railroading means fewer divorces, I think that model railroading is a symptom of a good marriage or a bad one rather than a cause per se. Where conflict occurs, it usually is about the relationship basis. For example, the modeler who spends all their time on their trains, who neglects doing things around the house that need to be done or who neglects things that their significant other wants to do, or spends a ton of money on their hobby that strains other necessities, it is a problem because it shows disrespect to the other person. It is disrespectful to dismiss something your spouse enjoys, even if you don't enjoy it yourself, it is worse when someone (to me) allows worries about 'what will other people think' to override the joy the other person gets out of what they do. It isn't one sided, I have seen plenty of people with trains who dismiss things their SO loves to do, or worse, grumbles that they are 'wasting their time' with something....I can see a spouse resenting let's say spending 1500 bucks on an engine when the kids tuition at college is due or you need a new roof, but I wouldn't respect it if they said "that is a waste of money" if otherwise they could afford it and the person buying it likes it.  In the end if the model railroading is a point of contention it likely means other elements in the relationship aren't in synch, other aspects of communication and love and respect aren't there.   It is kind of ironic, in my relationship the conflict is that I have an extremely hard time spending money on myself, I have no problem spending money on my wife or son with things, gladly do so, but when it comes to me I have to sneak purchases past myself.....

Greg Houser posted:

My wife isn't interested in the hobby at all but we'll be happily married for 27 years in January.   We are definitely the poster couple for opposite's who attract and that works just fine for us.   

-Greg 

Greg you are not alone my wife and I have absolutely nothing in common she don’t like trains or trucks, truck shows where I show my 1.1 Autocar or train shows. Or music of any kind I like we are so opposite I can’t believe we’ve been married for 24 years the 25th of this month. One thing she does is never  interfere with the trains or other Hobbies of mine but if she sees something that she thinks I could use on the layout she will buy it. One thing we have in common is we love each other deeply and we have two beautiful daughters together. I told her awhile back if I had to give up all my worldly possessions just to have one day with you I would and that’s no lie. 

Thank you,    OGR monitors for letting this diverged thread continue.     Best wishes, Mike CT.   

This thread is pretty awesome.  I love reading about most of the long marriages that you have had.  I'm newly married. I was married to my late wife for 19 years who passed away at the age of 53 about 4 1/2 years ago.   I was 47 at the time.  I've been married now for the last 2 years and am looking forward to a long marriage with my new wife and these stories give me hope.  My wife is a huge paper crafter and i have no problem with her hobbies and she is supportive of my hobbies which include all kind of trains, adult collector of Legos, computers, and a lot more.   

I will buy my wife stuff that I know she will like and if she sees stuff I might like, she asks me if she should get it.   

I would say they don't anything to do with each other in my experience.  My 1st wife and I divorced, after many years I remarried and wife #2 is still around.  Both fully knew about my love of trains.  But their personalities are different. 

I know this is an old topic but I chuckle and feel bad when I hear the guys at the model RR club I sometimes go to talk about those wives displeasure with the hobby. I knew eventually one of them would corner me and ask what my wife thinks of my hobby. Well I said, "HE supports my hobby 100% and partly because his dad had the same hobby for decades". The room went quiet. "In fact I just got a box full of Maine Central RR items I've been wanting for ages!" Room goes even quieter. Then I hear "That's not fair!" Then a few chuckles about the not fair comment and the room goes back to normal chatter. It took the older guys a second to realize diversity in the hobby is larger than they realized. Now I get constant questions about what I have bought and if I want to buy stuff thier selling. I think honestly some wives/partners are just in need of more attention than others. My partner sits upstairs and reads and chills quite a bit when I'm working on the layout. I'm very fortunate.

I can't begin to tell you how fortunate I am for my Wife of 42 years! Not only is she supportive of my model railroad hobby, she buys me awesome Christmas presents from time to time (last Christmas was Lionel's new O scale J with whistle smoke).

She loves to cook and can. Our house has a kitchen on the lower level that had an electric stove, no range hood and divided sink. I surprised her by replacing the stove with a gas version, installed a range hood and replaced the divided sink with a single tub stainless sink. She now cans to her hearts content......and I get to enjoy the spoils !

My point is....we do for each other. And it works great.

I do not believe there is any correlation between quality of relationship and model railroading.  Without getting to deep into my personal life, my ex never supported my hobby but had no issue trying to force the sale of my collection when we finally went our separate ways.  I normally agree with your hypothesis Arnold, but while I hold no bitterness towards my ex, that was not a pleasant time for me in this hobby and life in general so I think this one is way off base.

I am in a new relationship that is all around better in every conceivable way and things are very different.  Every relationship is unique in their dynamics and how partners work together.  My parents on the other hand have been married 57 years and my mother still supports my father's interest in the hobby.

Hiker39, I enjoyed reading your comments today, and think it's a very good thing that there is diversity among model railroaders.

I probably said what I'm about to say 2 years ago when I started this topic. My wife, though not involved, is highly tolerant of the hobby. I once heard her tell someone about my passion for trains: "at least I know he is home in the basement and not gallivanting with some blonde bombshell."

She also thinks it's just fine that I have several hobbies and more friends as a result. I, in turn, am supportive of her main outside interest, which is taking an acting class, now being done via Zoom.

I've been married to the same woman for 43 years.  Arnold