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I thought you might enjoy this. It's been around a long time, but worth a re-visit.

A PDF file is attached for your off-line enjoyment.

RAILROAD JOB DESCRIPTIONS

Crew Caller
An absolutely friendless individual. Takes delight in making calls too short to permit eating, and too long if you need sleep. Passes the buck and sheds crocodile tears for rawhided crews.

Roundhouse Foreman
A weary soul, who gets that way from having to listen to and put up with engineers and firemen. Promises everything and delivers nothing. Generally half nuts, which helps him in his work. Sometimes called the Ringmaster.

Road Foreman of Engines
Always at the right spot at the right time. VERY popular with the crews; a second guesser. Smokes only big cigars that smell like a burning fish market.

Road Brakeman
A new man. Does all his thinking with his feet. A target for criticism; can generally add two and two, and run for a switch if he’s been working less than a week.

Conductor
A grouchy individual, void of soul, with a big head and flat feet. Continually spellbinding the rear brakeman with expert advice about women, running an engine, a farm, or anything else.

Fireman
A mental midget with a pointed head; has hero worship for his engineer. Usually found trying to date a diner waitress, or figure out his time. When not asleep, generally found reading a Mickey Mouse comic book.

Hostler
Always tired; generally found with feet cocked up on a table or in a window, reading, if he’s not asleep. Can start and stop an engine...most of the time.

Engineer
A real success in life, with big fat head and stomach. An authority on government finance, and everything in general. Can usually spell his own name and read a little. Has burning jealousy for the Road Foreman of Engines. Spends most of his time stalling for overtime.

Dispatcher
A dot-and-dash expert, wired for sound. Also a tonnage hog and sidetrack expert. Sees all, hears all and knows nothing. A poor guesser...his hobby is delaying trains.

Trainmaster
A typewriter genius, exceptionally fond of making and holding investigations. Greatly impressed by his own importance. Loves to make tests and scare students. Chief qualifications trying to learn to smoke a big cigar or pipe and look intelligent as possible.

Crew
One hoghead, two soreheads, one bullhead and a student brakeman or fireman.

Railroad Yard
A yard is a bunch of tracks and switches, run by a pack of sons...of guns. When you’re outside the yard they won’t let you in, and when you’re in the yard they won’t let you out.

Machinist
A greasy individual; has a tool box containing some waste and a pipe wrench. The waste is to wipe his hands on and the pipe wrench fits everything. Sometimes has a hammer.

Boilermaker
Can hear a little; can bend anything. Generally can make out his own time card. Has at least one eye and is able to walk.

Car Checker
A number dummy - head full of numbers, none of them correct.

Yardmaster
Generally a worn out switchman. A genius at losing cars. Full of bushwa and promises. Always over his budget. Resembles a pipe organ with pockets full of pointless pencils. Can write a little.

Switchman
Generally a misplaced farmer trying to make good. Has large feet and a small head. Able to lift one arm at a time, and is the best yardmaster on the railroad...just ask him. Can read and write a little. A chronic growler.

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Last edited by Rich Melvin
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OGR Publishing, Inc., 1310 Eastside Centre Ct, Suite 6, Mountain Home, AR 72653
330-757-3020

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