How to convince wife to let me...

I would shy away from building the staging yard in the spare bedroom. Use the gift money that would help entice a " green light" from your wife and fund a new engine purchase or add some scenery details to your current layout. It took me a long time to understand that sometimes less is really more. Have you looked into expanding in the current layout room. When I needed more space, I decided to get rid of the work area/desk and some display shelves. I then expanded the layout by going around the room. This eventually led to a two track staging yard under the layout.

 

George

Save the trouble, ditch the wife, and expand the railroad.

 

or

 

Put the big boy pants on and just do it.

it is your house too, just tell her that you WILL be building a temp 3 track staging yard. if the room only gets used twice a year, why not do it. 

Here are both of my most likely unpopular cents.

 

I see your current layout is relatively new - or appears to be from another thread. Which means a lot appears to be happening and I can assure you the Mrs is not all that happy about it. As you mentioned above, she is already unhappy. 

 

The more the layout appears to be a primary focus and it keeps gobbling up space, the more resistance you are going to hit.

 

Slow down. No matter what you do right now, if the word "train" is in the sentence, it's going to be a point of contention.

 

Take your wife out to dinner, or shopping. You have a lifetime to make acquisitions, expand your layout or acquire more scenery. 

 

If there's one thing for sure in life - you give, you get.

I don't see any immediate short term solution.  But you might try the long term approach.  Try getting her involved in the development of your railroad empire.  Ask for her advice/input on scenery, placement of buildings and other structures.  Then, at some point down the road, ask for her suggestions/input/ideas on a staging area.

Like I said, this is a long term approach and probably the best way to keep peace in the family.

Tough one !  Since the expansion is removable and I assume does not interfere with getting in and out of the room, I would make the case that it doesn't really change the use of the room.  That also assumes that cost of the expansion is not an issue.

 

Failing that method, do not discount groveling, pleading, begging ending with Teary eyes. The Teary  eyes approach has been used against us by our better halfs since they invented better half's 

 

Good luck

Ed

 

I second what Chuck (trainpop) is saying. Don't rush into it. Grow into your layout. Use it for a while and learn of the things you want to change to make it more operational for you. Seek out your mates advise and try to get her involved in some way. Don't have the layout be a "bone of contention" between you. I have been building my layout for some ten years and have slowly won my wife over. For the past four York visits for us, she has managed to out spend me! She has taken a liking to displaying tinplate trains in an area which she forbidden to to touch early on. |Yes, I consented.

Hi Jim the key here like some said above is it's temporary and it's not seen at all.

I would explain it that way it see how it goes. My wife is really great with my hobby.

But as you know I've been going overboard with spending and now shes been a little upset with me so I had to sell some items. I will have a calm down for a while.

 

But I would tell her first, this way you can built it without having to look over your shoulder to see if shes going to pop up. Then you will have a bigger argument.

 

Alex

 

My father once built a very nice built in table/desk for my mother in the spare room.   It took her months for her to notice that the table top flipped up and inside there were train tracks running from a tunnel in the wall that went to the other room.    It was fully enclosed and looked very nice.  

 

Hi Jim.....

 

Some good advice has been given above...BUT...I believe the expert in these kinds of situations is Scott Smith.  You may want to keep your wife from contacting his wife because I understand that she has gotten very creative with his trains sometimes!!

 

Alan

HAVE YOU CONSIDERED A SECOND LEVEL BELOW THE LAYOUT MAKING ROOM FOR A LARGER STAGING YARD AND NO ARGUMENT?

I've been married for 48 yrs. and have learned a few thing along the way.  For the time being I'd put the expansion on the back burner and call the florist and have a nice flower arrangement delivered.  Spend something in the neighborhood of $75.00.  When it arrives tell her it's your way of showing appreciation for her understanding in building what you already have.  You'll gain lots of points for something you really want down the road.  They all love flowers.

Stop leaving the toilet seat up. That should win her over.

Jim, You seem invested in the hobby.  I'd work with the wife and see if you can get her onboard.  I went through the same with my wife.  Now she even participates in some train related activities.  Don't build anything without her knowing about it.

 

My two cents.

They love jewelry more....

Just do it, its much easier to ask for forgiveness.

If she wasn't happy about your trains taking over an entire room, just imaging how she'll feel when they start spreading through the house! At least that's how it will look to her. How useful is this going to be having it in another room anyway? Are you knocking a hole in the wall? 'Cause that could really seal your fate as a sea man. At least to me, it doesn't sound like this addition will make or break your layout fun either way, so I say just do without it. Also as much as I love my trains, I don't want them takin over the house either--one room is enough.

Forget about who is right or wrong here, I would think long and hard about building into a room without clear sight lines and absolute positve control.  Winning the battle only to lose the war when a prized loco hits the floor due to inattention or some other malfunction just isn't worth it.  Someone suggested creating a staging yard below the layout, that sounds like an idea that deserves some consideration.  Save the marrage power struggle for something really important.

My $.02...

 

I'd start with mending fences with her about the expansion of the existing layout.  I would do this before I did anything else with the layout.  It sounds like that hasn't been resolved yet to her satisfaction.  I'm just guessing here but she may be afraid that if she says she is OK with one thing, she won't have any say if you decide it needs to be bigger.  She may be afraid that you intend to completely take over the basement.   She may also think that trains have become more important to you than she is.

 

Flowers and presents are nice but she probably just wants to know that you care about her and how she feels.  If it were me, I'd find a way to sit and listen to her and really connect with her feelings.  That's hard for me but it always pays off.

 

Another thing you could try is spending time with her doing something that she likes.  For me it is craft shows with my wife.  One or two a year really makes her happy.  I really don't like them but I focus on her and what she is looking at.  Watching the kids and letting her have extra time for herself is good too.  You want to do whatever it is that says to her that you care about her and want to make her happy.

 

I know you want staging but I would take it slow.  If you add the necessary track to connect to a module where we discussed then you could build the module(s) later.  It would also be possible for a friend to build staging modules and bring them over for operating sessions.  

 

No offense intended to those who have advised "do what you want and ask forgiveness" but ask yourself how you'd feel if she did that to you.  If it was something that didn't matter a whole lot in the first place, it probably wouldn't be that big of a deal.  But what if it was something that really mattered to you?  In my opinion, that approach does more harm than good in a relationship.

 

 

The "Do it and ask for forgiveness later" approach is problematic as you'll end up in the doghouse and it's unpredictable as to the cost in dollars and long-term grief required to get you out.

 

The "Ask permission approach" is probably better, but I'd approach her slowly with the idea of an easily-removable extension designed in such a way that it won't scar the room when removed for her parents' visits (include a nice plug for the tunnel portal.) What may help here is for her to witness first-hand the problems associated with insufficient staging. There will be a price to be paid, of course, but it probably won't be nearly as high as the first option.

You should not have to ask the "peanut gallery" for advice. You and only you knows what it takes to push your wife's buttons. The only advice I can offer is as follows.

1) Take up all of your added track and not say another word about the matter.

2) Finish your layout allowing just enough room to add on your staging yard later.

Those of us that have been in the hobby many years have mastered the art of

compromise. It's a give and take when it comes to this hobby due to the amount of room we think we need to be happy. I can honestly say that the wife and I have never had a dispute over trains in the 48 years we've been married. When we married I had the same layout that I have now (12' X 20'). It was constructed as a modular system by my Grandfather. The old saying applies here, "A Happy Wife Makes For A Happy Life". The rest is up to you.

Whenever I read a thread like this I feel sad for the writer and thankful that I do not have that problem any more.

If you have to ask US, then it isnt gonna happen in a million years.

Save the trouble, ditch the wife, and expand the railroad.

 

That's what I did. My son, who lives with me, later suggested I build a shelf layout near the ceiling in the dining room for gauge 1 Maerklin. No need for zoning approval.  No questions. No issues. My ex would probably have liked it: I combined a shelf layout with supports to hold plants. I will eventually paint a mural on one of the walls.

 

Mark

I have never understood why the wife usually thinks it is her house, especially when the husband is often the one who bought the place. I also never understood some wives' feeling that there must be spare bedrooms all over the place, when they are only used a few times a year at most.

 

Although I will admit that tunneling through a wall is something that most people will object to, I really do not understand why.

 

I have always thought that a relationship is a two way street. There are lots of different philosophies to relationships, but it seems like the ones where the woman feels she is the boss affect men the worst.

 

Some women seem to think that if the guy is nice to her and considerate of her feelings, then he is somehow weak and should be dominated and controlled. Some women have husbands that drink to excess, and run around with women, and come home drunk and abuse their wives. You could always ask her if she would prefer that kind of a husband.

 

I just don't get it.

 

Probably just one of the reasons I have always been single and always will be.

 

I realize that this is a rant, but it had to come out.

Like others have commented, I've always gone with the old Navy adage that "It's easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission." Unless your staging yard plans call for a tunnel through a wall. That would be a bit much even in my household where my wife has always been supportive of my train and airplane activities.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRa4i_l8khY

 

WARNING!  HEADPHONES ONLY!  NOT FOR WORKPLACE!  Somewhat truthful nonetheless.

 

Pete

Jdevleerjr... You do of course realise that by posting the question here you have most probably let the cat out of the bag already? We women see all and hear all, even if we may not say anything at the time. 

Hello Guys !!!!!!!!!.............

We are WATCHING !!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

the woman who loves toy trains

Tiffany

You could also say that you've reached the limit of what you can do with your layout.  Now you want to "expand" your interests and meet the guys at the local pub and you "don't know when I'll be home."  LOL!

 

All kidding aside, keep an open and honest dialogue with your better half.  Lay out the plan and concessions and offer a full explanation especially about how you can minimize the affects to her.  Tell her that you truly respect her opinions but also ask her to try to understand your needs as a model railroader.  You may want to do this over dinner. :-)

 

You can also tell her that my wife realized and accepted my committment to the persuit of happiness in my hobby before we tied the knot.  Yes, the washer and dryer in my basement are about 6" away from the concrete basement wall to allow my prizes to cruize behind them.  At the same time I built counters and shelves to make laundry day easier.  If that lesson helps, so be it.

 

Phil

Addendum:

 

Despite my previous, possibly misguided, attempt at humor (although "Nothing Sacred" is a classic album) -

 

When we moved to our small "retirement" home a few years ago my wife urged me to put my train setup in a spare bedroom.  I refused, out of respect for her and confined my hobbies to the garage.

 

My life partner is hugely more important to me than my toys.

 

Pete

Jim, Your train room is "Your Man Cave". I would suggest NOT going outside of your present cave without long slow discussions.

 

A surprise staging yard outside your CAVE might be your TICKET on the next STAGE leaving town.

 

The advice about using what you have now and more thinking about enhancing the layout in your man cave is the first step.

 

Looking at other alternatives such as going up or down or a long siding somewhere might be other ways to go.

My wife is my best friend and I want her to always be that for me. I enjoy my trains but not to the expense of my best friends feelings.

Good Luck

Depends on the life partner, whatever that means.

I remember back in the day when I was working as a union laborer with a steady yard gig and I was engaged at the time, and the one foreman Paul, who used to chew seeds all the time, everytime he walked past me, said, while shaking his head, "you poor son of a beech".  I thought, not me, this is true love.  25 years later I realize, I am now the poor *** he saw coming.  But, the times they are a changin'...

Hey we're talking about trains not a new fully loaded full size SUV.  Diamonds & gold got mine.

Well, the not saying something sure would be a relief sometimes. I've known a few that talked so incessantly, it made me pray to be struck deaf.

I have had the best results using bribery. More expensive but cheaper than the time when I forgot both our wedding anniversary and her birthday on the following day.

Thank goodness it was in the days before gold became so expensive!

 

I have a new saying to offer:

 

"The way to a man's heart is not necessarily through his stomach, but to allow him to be a kid again and indulge in all of the greatness of this hobby for all that he ever wished for."

 

That is my take on it!

 

(Ladies, you WON'T be sorry!) 

On the following day!- nice play. 

My wife's birthday is August 21.  I think I'll buy her a brand new NYC TMCC GP9 from Grzy trains.  I may even throw in the electrocouplers and install them as part of the deal. 

After giving this issue alot of thought I came to the surprising conclusion that your wife has no real ground to stand on. In fact I would say that she has gone way over the top.

Now, I could understand her complaint if lets say one of your Big Boy engines fell off of the shelf, that runs over your bed and hit her in the head.  Then you might wont to consider taking a step back or two. But even at that an understanding wife would simply sigh and say;" boys will be boys, after all I was sleeping so I hardly felt a thing."

Or if the helix that allows your trains to move between floors came up through the center of the dining  room, forcing your inlaws to eat on the rear deck at Christmas time. In that case you may also wont to consider taking a step back or two.

 

As for your staging yard in the spare bedroom I don't get her problem at all. It's a flat staging yard for God's sake, throw an airbag on top of it and let them sleep for three or four hours a day, when your not using it of course. After all, baerbarians we are not.

 

That's how I do things around my home and other then that pesky cop from the Sheriffs department who is banging on my door to drag me off to jail I am in total control around here.

 

Sorry folks, I got to GOOOooooooooooooo.